Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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