i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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