I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
