It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
