Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I love having hate sex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
