dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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