I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
