Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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