My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
