we have pet lesbian snakes
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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