yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
