i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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