all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
