Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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