and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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