I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
