peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
