I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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