Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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