I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
