Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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