he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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