hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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