2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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