you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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