unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
