I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
