Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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