It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
