I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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