She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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