So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize