direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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