He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
