he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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