So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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