I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
