Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
