Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
