We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize