College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the day after is always just damage control
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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