Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
