I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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