Yo dont text me then not text me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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