He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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