im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
