I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
