so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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