So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
