I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
