shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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