My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize