he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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