big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
