oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
