Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize