You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
