Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize