he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
