Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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