The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
