chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
