I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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