I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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