I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
