Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
