After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize