cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize