I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
