I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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