It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
