watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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