I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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