she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
