Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
